Monday, February 9, 2009

I thought it was Just me...

So I was having a moment Early this morning... Stuck somewhere in my own past... beating myself Up for being too hard on myself all those years, and beating myself up for Not fighting hard enough for myself today. I thought I was alone in my thoughts, until I read THIS.

And, although I feel a little less Silly knowing that other women are Critical of themselves too, I still think that I should have Done something else yesterday after our Sunday lunch... Because while looking through all of our (2,000) family Photos seemed like a great way to spend the afternoon, it really wasn't. I know now that I should have been outside watching the Waves crash or feeding the ground squirrels... I realize now, there is a reason old photos end up in a Box in the garage. It's the same reason photo albums have Covers and can be closed. Heck! One of our family photo albums even has a Lock on it. And, there's a reason for that! 

All those pictures... All those frozen moments. All the emotions those dumb snapshots brought up. Damn doubles! You know all those pictures of every awkward junior high and high School dance I ripped up and thought were Gone forever? Well, they live in doubles here at the Cooper homestead!

Now, that's not to say they're all bad... The photos of the four of us standing in front of the Leaning Tower of Pisa - Fantastic! Posing in front of the Vatican - Amazing! Me, at seven swishing down the slopes, throwing snow back at my dad - WOW! All the pictures of my Oma and my parents as a young, married couple and then as new Parents of a bouncing Baby girl... and then boy - Priceless. But damn! Now that the albums are all put away and the Photos I pulled out to take home with me are tucked into a dark corner of my suitcase, I realize that what I put myself through Last night pretty much just added up to Reliving my Teenage years. And, honestly... what right-Minded, 43-year old woman wants to Relive that, on purpose? I wasn't 100% sure I'd skip my 25-year High school reunion this summer Until exactly this minute! I'm a mush, that much I know about myself. And, going back to Junction City would just be Big trouble. What did Avery say to Jerry? She said, Function, function, function. Forward motion is Everything... 

I know now, (albeit too late) that it takes a Strong person to walk down their own Memory lane. And, I am! And, now that I have, it's time to MOVE THE HELL ON! A dear friend in North Carolina this morning said, "Get back to living in the moment", and that's Exactly the plan!

But first, I'm going to give myself a little Credit. Credit for being soft and Pretty despite what the other girls at St. Xavier's said. Despite of what Janet said to herself.    

Look at Brandon and William - First Holy Communion!
And, my Wedding day... That was a good one!

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